On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize