Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
There are leaves in my underwear?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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