Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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