forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
