dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
