Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
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Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
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You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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