totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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