We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
