I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
