I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You're breaking my sexual little heart
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
