She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...