dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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