We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
