this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
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We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize