As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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