I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
