I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
