May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
