I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
