I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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