READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
