i was born a porn star she said
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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