haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
