wakey wakey hands off snakey
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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