You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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