He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
