Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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