i barfeds in our rink
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
