Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
two words: eviction party
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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