i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
