he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
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moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
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But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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