if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
