my soul wont recognize me after tonight
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i drank out of a bidet.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
