why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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