That's intense
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
