i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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