she looked like the bat from fern gully.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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