he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
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Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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