I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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