it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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