i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
