dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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