Texts From Last Night

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  (559): View more from California

  I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great

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  (559): I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great http://tfl.nu/r602
  Replies (5) Good night (2754) Bad night (428)
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  (+33): View more from France

  I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.

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  (+33): I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing. http://tfl.nu/69za
  Replies (13) Good night (760) Bad night (2019)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?

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  (847): how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan? http://tfl.nu/u97s
  Replies (15) Good night (3677) Bad night (846)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.

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  (651): I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all. http://tfl.nu/rpqm
  Replies (9) Good night (4005) Bad night (1044)
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  (518): View more from New York

  They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.

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  (518): They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke. http://tfl.nu/jbb2
  Replies (41) Good night (1958) Bad night (3501)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you

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  (231): I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you http://tfl.nu/n6kx
  Replies (20) Good night (6143) Bad night (867)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  Wasn't he an English major?

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  (703): He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him. (1-703): Wasn't he an English major? http://tfl.nu/vbmk
  Replies (12) Good night (1122) Bad night (4937)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.

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  (207): Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father. http://tfl.nu/7nfw
  Replies (49) Good night (1484) Bad night (13714)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.

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  (708): I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off. http://tfl.nu/0f1b
  Replies (34) Good night (5180) Bad night (999)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.

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  (607): his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop. http://tfl.nu/p3uz
  Replies (10) Good night (3566) Bad night (724)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.

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  (575): He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo. http://tfl.nu/zgra
  Replies (3) Good night (1614) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks

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  (214): He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks http://tfl.nu/xm8f
  Replies (6) Good night (1115) Bad night (608)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month

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  (517): well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month http://tfl.nu/fhen
  Replies (5) Good night (581) Bad night (1530)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey

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  (774): This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey http://tfl.nu/q901
  Replies (10) Good night (1682) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Two dicks, one me.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Yoga's definitely paying off.

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  (832): Two dicks, one me. (832): Yoga's definitely paying off. http://tfl.nu/ljaq
  Replies (9) Good night (790) Bad night (246)

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