I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger