Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
high people should be assigned attendants
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This Girl Makes Latte Art Thatâ€™s Too Cute to Drink
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain