Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool