Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.