she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
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I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
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sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.