i don't like sucking hair
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
