I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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