Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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