I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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