She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
