no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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