I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
