WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
