she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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