Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
