Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
