he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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