Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
