my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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