Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
