Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
