drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
