i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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