if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
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he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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