i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
