Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
