You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Randomize
